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Many people feel entitled to their anger. Something painful, hurtful or unfair happens and we think we have the right to be angry. Many people feel anger is powerful. They believe anger is the way to let people know how they feel. In fact, they believe anger is the only way that they think they can impact on others. I believe, however, that our anger pushes people away from us—and leaves us feeling impotent.
Sharing our anger with others, rather than blasting others with it, brings us closer to people. And that’s something we may and may not want. Getting closer to others can be difficult. It challenges our capacity for intimacy. One thing about being angry at someone—versus sharing with them why you’re angry—is it helps us stay away from each other. Anger pushes people away. Anger intimidates others. And in some ways, it’s designed to do just that. Anger helps us stay away from the emotional experience of creating something new with someone else. If you share your anger—rather than be angry—it opens up the possibility the other person may be impacted by what you’re saying. Working on our anger includes the following:
I think that’s a whole lot more powerful. |
TALKS WE WERE INSPIRED TO WRITE: |
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Shelley Karliner is a psychotherapist who has helped thousands of people from all walks of life develop new emotional capacities and create healthy intimate relationships. She was trained at the East Side Institute for Group and Short Term Psychotherapy by Fred Newman, the founder of the social therapeutic approach to emotional development. She gives talks and workshops on topics related to the emotionality of everyday life. |
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Grow. There’s Nothing Stopping You. Feel better. Shelley Karliner and Tricia Bassing, Licensed Psychotherapists |
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